October #IV // I Attempt to Build My Self-Esteem For Public Consumption

Life is going slightly less great!!! But still decent.

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  • Okay, so, the start of school has been incredible so far, and I feel like I might just be saying that every month. I’m really loving all my classes!!! which is fantastic
  • uhhhhhhh I also have no free time
  • So the thing about taking four humanities classes is you stop really wanting to do More Reading At Home?
  • you all saw my TBR, like you all know there are five books for school on it. that’s every month lmao
  • I think I might have found out something I’m not totally happy with about a thing that happened with one of my friends in the past??
  • But I also got a lot closer to someone in my life I really care about and love

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I was keeping up with the stuff I got done via twitter; you can find it all here or also here!! But then I realized it was kind of becoming a thing I shamed myself for, like more stress than it was worth. So here’s a list of things I did that I’m proud of!!!

  • stayed really on top of sleep most of the time !!!!! did a lot of working out throughout the weeks, once for nineteen minutes !!!!!!
  • kept up with my math homework all month long, which is such an accomplishment
  • helped at rehearsal approximately six times
  • started this whole getting up early to do things routine, and apparently the first time i noted this down was on 10/23, but i think it was earlier that this started
  • got coffee with a friend, and also fully cleaned out my car. got a 96 on a Latin test!! and on a Humanities paper!! (10/3)
  • read seven books in one week, and finished three books in a day, TWICE (10/3 & 10/7)
  • my Bryn Mawr interview, which is so awesome, and also met the rep for Mt. Holyoke, who was quite literally one of the nicest people I’ve ever met?? (10/10)
  • ran an assembly for the spectrum club, which i’m so proud of (10/11)
  • also the Becky & Adam meeting with Ellie and Maddie it was so blessed and good, and actually I’m just proud of myself for a lot about this specific day (10/11)
  • did a bunch of application writing on 10/13 and apparently on 10/16
  • also did a bunch of GENERAL WRITING on 10/13 !!!!!!!!
  • did a crapton of preparation for my Latin test on 10/14 and 10/15, and trust me, I’m not good enough at Latin to be able to just pass without the MOST studying
  • saw a friend i haven’t seen in forever who goes to my dream school!! and we talked for a really long time and it was amazing ❤ ❤ (10/17)
  • also caught up on the Good Place (10/17)
  • finished a Dangerous Ideas essay early, and then spent all night seeing an actual production of Noises Off with my show cast it was intense and i loved it!! (10/18)
  • went to the homecoming game, dinner with three of my amazing friends and also a friend of mine who’s a freshman and tagged along like an icon, and then the dance & afterparty. also at the dance an ex-friend from sophomore year apologized for ending it and it was uh… awesome (10/19)
  • apparently on 10/20 i was just very busy because i had a facial and then my voice lesson, and then a meeting with my college counselor?? and also i started writing another WIP that i’ve been thinking about for like a month that night for…. some reason. and then i kept doing it lmfao
  • during a free on 10/24, i designed most of my yearbook senior page, finished a late blog post, completely cleaned out my email, sent several emails for a club i run, figured out the date of a storytelling slam, designed and printed a bunch of posters for the next week. actually this was the weirdest day I was trying to get a bunch of stuff done during a free, and then there was a miscommunication around emails between the gsa coleaders, and i had a full on meltdown? but. i love my friends for being so kind.
  • on 10/25, despite being very very exhausted, i performed at creative arts assembly, helped promote a club at LitMag slam, and then hung out with two members of Friend Group
  • this was a wild day i did my calc hw, which is not due until 10/29, may i add, and then stayed up late and wrote two and a half reviews
  • i also submitted my four EA applications on 10/25!!!!!!!!!!!!! YALL
  • on 10/26 i FILMED. MY. SINGING. PORTFOLIO. and then hung out with friends all evening. and also cleaned out both my google photos and, for some reason, my snapchat friends list
  • at some point in this period i wrote a full paper on the false stereotype of the model minority ?? and also in other news. i would give my life for my ethnic studies teacher
  • i did more writing at some point on 10/28 i guess
  • started in on my ethnic studies annotated bibliography and i somehow got really far?? i’m doing my project on representation of people of color in commercial fiction, especially literary fiction!!! (10/30)
  • on 10/31 I both finished three of my last four supplementals and submitted my ED application like an absolute queen so that’s the that on that!!

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  1. Complete my readathon.✅ [I ALREADY DID THIS.]
  2. Finish all my college applications.✅ [AS OF OCTOBER 31ST….. ALL. OF. MY. APPLICATIONS. ARE. DONE]
  3. Continue focusing on the clubs I run✅ [i helped run an assembly and also set up a storytelling extravaganza it was really nice!!!]
  4. Get back into reading with five books a week!!❌ […………mmmmm]

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  1. Stop caring about my grades, because sometimes, things happen!!! you just gotta move onto focusing on your other classes❌
  2. Finish my humanities project❌
  3. Finish my humanities honors project❌
  4. Finish my ethnic studies project❌
  5. Finish my contemporary global paper❌
  6. Get back into reading five books a week, I swear to god❌

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I was loving two new releases this month. The first is the single Woman Like Me off Little Mix’s upcoming LM5. I have too much loyalty to this band to ever stop loving their stuff, but I really like this song. And then there’s Hozier’s entire Nina Cried Power EP! Nina Cried Power itself is an incredible ode to protest songs and I wish I could listen to it forever, honestly. But I think my two favorite songs have been the middle songs, NFWMB and Moment’s Silence (Common Tongue)NFWMB reminds me of his earlier It Will Come Back but I think I like it more. Moment’s Silence almost reminds me of the earlier Take Me to Church in conceit? But it’s very different in sound.

I also went through a rediscovery of Taylor Swift’s discography! This started off with the revelation that Taylor Swift is currently feeling herself on every level, including the Political Advocacy One, and then the shocking revelation that Reputation by Taylor Swift is secretly a fantastic album. I already liked I Did Something Bad, Don’t Blame Me, Delicate, and This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things. And I knew that Ready For It was kickass, Look What You Made Me Do had great verses and an eh chorus, So It Goes suffered from the exact opposite problem, and Gorgeous was strangely catchy. But I LEARNED. The quietly romantic and real New Year’s Day has become my second favorite song off this album. The romantic Call It What You Want and the sexy-as-hell Dress caught me immediately upon this second listen. The metaphorical and lyrically fabulous Getaway Car, the subtly mournful Dancing With Our Hands Tied, and the burstingly catchy King of My Heart all took longer to grow on me, but then…. they all did. Oops. The only one I’m still not feeling is End Game.

And then, because I loved this album so much, I decided to go deeper into 1989. A lot of this album is really really good, but my favorite discoveries were two tracks of the Deluxe edition I hadn’t ever downloaded: the quietly romantic You Are In Love and the devastating but incredibly powerful Wonderland. There’s some strangely corrupting to me about Swift’s new stuff — it feels so forbidden and intoxicating on a level I did not recognize when I first listened.

Sorry for writing you essays about this. Oops.

still on repeat
All Too Well off Red (Taylor Swift)
Lover to Lover off Ceremonials (Florence+the Machine)
Cherry Wine off Hozier (Hozier)
In The Woods Somewhere off Hozier (Hozier)
Take Me To Church off Hozier (Hozier)

Gemini Feed off The Altar (Banks)

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[Letterboxd Film Diary]

the first rule of fight club is not to talk about fight club and no one broke it but i guessed the ending anyway. also this is better than the book

  • Memento (2000) | ★★★★★

……….this was an acid trip of a movie and it just really didn’t have to end like that

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  • The Good Place, season three | ★★★★★

I’ve just been keeping up with season three so far and it doesn’t seem to be going downhill!! Thank goodness.

on hiatus
Sense8 (season 2)
Queer Eye (season 2)
Black Sails (seasons 1-5)
Community (seasons 1-7)

How were your months? Any tv shows or movies on here you’ve seen? Any thoughts or favorites? Any goals you achieved? Let me know in the comments!

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10 thoughts on “October #IV // I Attempt to Build My Self-Esteem For Public Consumption

    1. I don’t even pretend not to love Taylor that was a very brief phase

      NINA CRIED POWER WENT THE FUCK OFF it was even better than I expected please listen to it immediately it’s only four songs !!!!!

      I actually am only just now getting to Bloom as well I’LL PUT IT ON MONTHLY WRAP-UP


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