So some of you might have noticed based on like, my last five wrap-ups, that I’m reading a lot less. Granted, some of this will always be me screwing around with my free time, but I’m actually screwing around even less than I did less semester — so why am I not reading as much?
The answer, dear reader, is self-love and self-care.
So the last six months have not always been the best of my life. In fact, I think second semester of junior year was really, really hard. And though I got really busy at times, I also spent a lot of time distancing myself from my life to read. Reading was how I got through bad times.
It was the perfect coping strategy for me because it didn’t involve social interaction with people at my school. And somehow, this year, social interaction has become what I want.
This has possibly been a long time coming, for several reasons:
- I used to be super outgoing.
- I tend to be outgoing until I get stressed, and then my anxiety starts translating socially.
- I always feel happier when I spend time with people.
- I am an outgoing introvert, meaning I need time to recharge but I genuinely love people.
This is happening now for slightly different reasons:
- I got out of a relationship this year that was taking up a lot of my social energy.
- Really recently [as in, yesterday], I got out of a friendship that was going down a similar path and showing early signs of emotional abuse.
- I have a car now, which gives me far more freedom; I used to have very constrained social time due to both of my parents’ schedules.
- I finally like all of my classes, which has taken down my stress.
- I’ve had a lot of self-realizations and gotten to know myself better.
- I’ve gotten far better at opening up to others and trusting others.
- I’ve gotten better at small talk and starting conversations.
- I’ve realized I’m actually fairly well-liked and somewhat well-known at my school. Don’t know why this was such a shock?
- I’m overall just a happier person and have learned how to figure out which relationships are toxic and which are worth keeping.
So in the midst of all this, I’ve been spending a lot more time trying to engage myself in my actual school. Not the academic side: the social side. I am trying to hang out with a lot of my grade, make new friends, learn the names of people I don’t know, and bond closer with my current friends.
And it’s been amazing.
I would still like to get back into reading a bit more and use it as a serious coping mechanism. But I will be dropping my reading goal back to four books a week and backing off on my TBRs and I am going to learn to be okay about it. I’m doing what I need for me.